I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize