im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
