Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
