I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
