Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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