So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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