it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i out mim tonsoeep
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
