Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just found puke in my bra..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
