it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
