So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
