I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
