Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
