I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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