i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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