youre lurking in front of me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
