I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
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Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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