we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
