oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
