Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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