I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
