I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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