I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it glows. i had to have it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm having to shit out rocks
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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