He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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