Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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