If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
