just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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