just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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