you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize