i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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