he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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