Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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