: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
