she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
