I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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