i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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