I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
