she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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