no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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