then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
