he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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