Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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