I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
