I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you win again, gameday.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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