it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize