Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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