Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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