I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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