Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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