I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We need to get me chipped asap
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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