Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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