did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
