you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
