So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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