I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
