Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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