guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize