i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
how drunk are you?
Several
I enjoy the company of your penis
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
