I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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