remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.