The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.