oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats