So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.