dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
