I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
how does that bad decision feel?
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