And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
