If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
