dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
