So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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