I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
nutella sex= disaster
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
