The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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