we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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