I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
