In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
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I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
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It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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